I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
