Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
