She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
