'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
