I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
