the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
