that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize