I smell stomach acid.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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