I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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