You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
