I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I want to be your penis for a week.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
