who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
