hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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