never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
