how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Bring me that man meat
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
