I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
