Your dad touched me again.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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