Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize