I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
