life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just want nice things and good sex
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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