It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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