Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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