the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
