I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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