She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
my liver is dry heaving
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
