Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
