Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
