she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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