I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
