My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize