Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize
