I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
