No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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