Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
