I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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