just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My penis needs a shock collar
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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