There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
