he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
