At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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