this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
