turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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