so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i love accidental penises.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
