Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize