I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
