I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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