If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My pussy is not your playground.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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