my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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