I cannot find my penis.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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