I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
