Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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