dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize