My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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