false alarm. still invincible.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
