Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
