It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And then my night got REAL pukey
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
