I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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