Cold hands, warm shart.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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