please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
