Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
