Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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