Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
