Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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