just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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