exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
