Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
