i permit you to call me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize