My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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