I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
