Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
