I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
