Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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