Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
