I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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