He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
