C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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