i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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