She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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