whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
