So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
