don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
