the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
