just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
