i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
