i used baking grease as lip gloss
vagina is talking i cant
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
