Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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