I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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