You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
