I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
