Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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