oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
