he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
