called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
