Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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