i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
