How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
this beer tastes like vomit already
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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