I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
