Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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