We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
