margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
