I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
