i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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