Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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