I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We're too hungover to prance.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
